January was a beautiful month for writing.
February was not.
Today’s post isn’t anything more than a rant about writer’s block and how our lives are filled with distraction after distraction after distraction.
I’m currently reading Untamed by Glennon Doyle. While I usually lean into Brene Brown for all things self help, there are parts of Untamed that have hit me hard. Thoughts so simple and clear that I’m taken aback that I haven’t digested them before. In the middle of the book, she talks about her children losing themselves when they get their first phone, sucked into the grip social media has on us. Eventually, her family decides to put social media aside because it robs us of the magic that is boredom. And right past boredom is where we create something beautiful.
Her writing is so eloquent and her words so convincing that I followed her family’s lead and deleted social media for Lent. Because ridding myself of the distractions will force me into boredom which will force me into creating beautiful things, right?
Wrong. I just find new distractions.
I can’t believe the lengths we (I) will go to stay numb, to stay bored, to stay in a place where we won’t feel uncomfortable. There are days where I don’t have this problem at all, where I jump right in to my writing and creating because I can’t wait any longer. Then there are days when the pandemic and day 343 at home is ever-present, the temperature still isn’t above zero and there are thirty five other things bringing me down. On those days, there is a desire to stay in the bubble where boredom resides because it means I don’t have to push and reach for the new. I can just stay where I am and not feel anything awkward or hard or uncomfortable.
And it feels like I’ve had a lot of those days this February. While some people use stress and hard times to make art, I tuck it away and let it sit, slowly coming back to myself over time. If avoidance tactics and internal processing qualities were super powers, you could call me Wonder Woman.
So, this February and rest of this season, here are my little reminders for myself:
My work still means something even when I’m not on my best game, or sticking around the boredom zone for too long.
My worth is the same even when I’m going through a thing and not doing my best.
BUT. My self is much better off remembering that I don’t get to stay in boredom forever. And I won’t end up out of there by sitting on the couch and watching another episode of Gilmore Girls.
I have to work to push past boredom and it will be worth it.